Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
