I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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