hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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