Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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