That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
