I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Liz is crying about burritos again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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