Tell her she can't have a vagina
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
