Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
