I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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