Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
