apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
