margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
