I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
