i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
