Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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