I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
