good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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