i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
