You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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