Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize