Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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