Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
