1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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