She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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