I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
