i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
