it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
