3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
