I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
