I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
