i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
