he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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