bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
