Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
