Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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