Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
