im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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