I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
