I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
your room smells of hookers.
And success
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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