Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
