five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
