I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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