Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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