TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
