well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
