she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
