just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
