I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
