oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
