Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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