I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
