That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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