first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
handjob tips. give me some.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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