just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
