Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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