Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize