real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the liver wants what the liver wants
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
