I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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