I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
