Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
