you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
