I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
