I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
