I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
did you just send me my own nude
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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