she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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