goodnight i made you a song goodbye
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A bitchslap is in order.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
